Diary, 27 February 1848
February 27th, 1848 Sacrament Sabbath.— A memorable day.
My soul has bathed in bliss. At our little meeting on Friday evening, I was led solemnly to renew my vow before the Lord, to live for Him alone; and, laying down enjoyments and delights at His feet, to seek His glory only, and by what means He should see best. On retiring to rest, I joyfully felt that ‘the vows of God were upon me;’ and was privileged with heavenly and ineffable delights; in the midst of which was great yearning over the souls of the poor girls in the Refuge, for whom I seem to “travail in birth till Christ be formed” in them; and also to believe that all will not be in vain in the Lord. This morning I was mourning the loss of dear Mrs. A———, because she only and M——— know fully what it is to lose self and be absorbed in Jesus. And then, on my knees I besought the Lord for such a companion. It was very striking, that before I had risen from my knees, a letter came from A———, to say how the Beloved had just revealed Himself to her soul, as her blessed Bridegroom; and she used love’s own language; and my soul was as liquid love while I read and wondered. I must wait the Lord’s further mind. This has been a blessed month, indeed. At its commencement I thought the rod had bloomed and blossomed; it has since borne fruit. I am astonished at the Lord’s love and loving-kindness. What will heaven be, where, without interruption or intermission, we shall love, adore, and praise?
“Oh, for a thousand tongues to tell
My dear Redeemer’s worth.”
I long that my dying lips might sound His praise, and tell His love, who will be my life in death. But He knows best. Friends do not think it will be so, because I enjoy so much now; and I have thought so, too, and trembled; but “All things are possible to him that believeth.” Yes, my blessed Jesus, a happy life, and a happy death, are in Thy power to give; for Thou hast made an end of sin, and conquered death; Thou hast also drunk up all my hell. What can I render? Only my whole self, with all I have and am. It is not worth Thy picking up; but love puts a value upon its object. My Lord, my life, my happiness, my heaven, my all! Thou hast loved and chosen me; Thou wilt not turn away; but, filling me with Thyself, Thou wilt use me for Thyself, and Thou shalt have all the praise! I would now go forth in Jesus, and all will be well.
Ruth Bryan (1805-1860) was a sovereign grace believer. For ten years, she sat under the gospel ministry of Andrew Baxter at Sion Chapel, Nottingham. She is best know for her ‘diary’ and ‘letters’.
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