The Life And Testimony Of Ann Brine

Gathered Fragments From Her Letters To Family And Friends:

Perceiving, that you are desirous to have an Account of the Dealings of God with my Soul, and being willing to gratify you therein; I shall give you a few short hints thereof: Though the badness of my memory, and the sense of things being too much wore off, will not admit me to give a particular relation, how I was carried on, step by step. When I was young, I was very much taken with the vanities and follies of youth. My greatest concern was, that I was hindered by my parents, of taking my full swing, in that, in which, I so much delighted: For they would sometimes be talking to me about the state of my immortal soul, and asking what I thought would become of me, if I should die without an interest in Christ: But, I in disregardful manner used to turn my back upon them, and laugh at them; thinking myself as good as they, only I could not talk so finely about religious matters, for, thought I, I am not guilty of any very heinous sins, all that I desire, is only to play and be merry, as most of my years are willing to do. What, thinks I, would they have me be mopish, and lay aside all pleasure thus soon, it will be time enough for me to betake myself to a melancholy life when I attain to their age; should I do it now, I shall be laughed at by all my companions. I heartily wished, that my parents were like the parents of some of my play-fellows, that I might have the same liberty, which they enjoyed. I accounted myself to be in a worse case than any body, because I was deprived in some measure of the liberty, I would have had. When I was at the meeting, my thoughts were wholly employed about my vain delights and pleasures, instead of being attentive in hearing the Word of God preached. Sabbaths were very burdensome to me, and I did, as often as I could, make excuses to stay at home, under pretence of illness. 

Thus I went on till I was near fifteen years of age, about which time, it pleased God to awaken me, and bring me to consider, what a state I was in. One night being in my usual manner, at play with my companions, and hearing them swear at a sad rate, and taking the Lord’s name in vain, in almost every sentence they spoke, having met with something that vexed them, which provoked them, as they said, so to do. This, I thought, was not right in them; though I myself had much ado to keep from bad expressions, thinking I looked foolish amongst them, because I did not do as they did: But I was kept from it, though the temptation lay very hard upon me. This terrified me very much, not only for that, I was so much put to it, to keep from bad words myself; but to think, that I should delight in such wicked company, contrary to the mind of my parents, and certainly displeasing to God, against whom, thought I, I have sinned to a great degree. I went home that night with a sad and heavy heart, concluding, that I should certainly be damned. And fully expected every night when I went to bed, for about a fortnight, that I should never awake any more in this world, but should be in everlasting punishment before daylight appeared. 

I resolved to amend my life, and to pray to God for forgiveness of past sins. After this resolution was taken, my terror began to abate: And glad I was, thinking that God was pleased with me, but I soon began to break my resolutions; for no sooner was the terror I had felt, a little over, but I had a hankering mind to return to former pleasures. And Satan let in with this temptation very strongly, that I was too young to mind religion, and that if betook myself therefore to all pleasure would be at an end with me. And likewise, these thoughts were suggested to my mind, that the Lord was merciful, and so if I did but repent, and pray earnestly to him to forgive my sins, when I should be past taking pleasure, in those things, in which most of my years delighted, I need not fear acceptance with him. 

After these thoughts, with many others, which I cannot now remember, had passed through my mind, I came to this conclusion, to go amongst my old companions once more; and accordingly, when evening came, out I went to them. They seemed glad of my company, and told me, they wondered at the change they perceived in my countenance towards them, and that they were afraid they had done, or said something displeasing to me, tho’ they knew it not; but if it was so, they were very sorry, for they would not do any thing to anger me if they could help it. This speech of theirs knit my Love to them, and made me resolve not to forsake them again whatever came on it; but before the night was spent, I was again seized with sad terror of conscience, so that I could not be brisk amongst my companions. 

I went home, and betook myself to my former resolutions, not to offend God on this wise and that I would read and pray, in order to merit his favour. For, thought I, I must not expect to find mercy any other way. With these promises, I contented myself, in a great measure, tho’ I was not able to perform them. For, no sooner than the pleasant evenings drew my companions together; but my mind was with them, and I allowed myself to go one night after another, thinking every time it should be the last, and I neglected reading and praying, with these thoughts, I will omit but this time, and go to my play-fellows but once more. 

Thus I went on for some time; but could not take that pleasure, in vanity and folly, as formerly I did. At last, it pleased the Lord, to work such strong convictions in me, as I hope ended in saving conversion. 

One day, these thoughts darted into my mind, that it was, as likely, I might die that day, as live to another, and then what good would all my resolution to reform do me, since I was never found in the practice of known duties. These thoughts set me all in a tremble, and I concluded myself to be in a miserable condition, for that I was deeply guilty of sins of omission and commission, and that too, after I had been called to forsake them, and therefore, they could no longer be termed sins of ignorance. So I began to conclude the day of grace was now past, for I did not hearken to God’s voice when he called, and, therefore, he would now turn a deaf Ear unto me. 

Then were my sins, as it were, set in order before me. Things that I had done in my childhood, which had been long forgotten by me, came fresh to my remembrance: Upon which, I thought, that I was undone to eternity. At the same time, I was made sensible of my incapacity, to do any thing that is good. I saw there was a aant of power, as well as of will, in me. 

About this time, my father preached from those words: Nevertheless, the foundation of God, standeth sure, having this seal, the Lord knoweth them, that are his, and let every one, that nameth the name of Christ depart from iniquity. From these words he took occasion to talk of election, and of God’s foreknowledge from eternity. Well, thought I, is it so, that the Lord, did before this choice, well know what rebels we should prove, then I may be well assured, that I shall be damned, for he would not fix his love unalterably upon so vile, so sinful a creature, as I am. When my father came to speak from the latter part of the text, he spoke how it was the duty of believers to be pressing after holiness. This made me begin to think of working for life again, though I doubt not, but my dear father made a distinction between working for life and from life; but so ignorant was I, that I could not take it in aright. So I attempted to pray, and in so doing, found something of a secret hope, that the Lord would pardon my sins, tho’ they were very great, if I could but keep to this duty: But the Lord did not suffer me long to rest here. 

For that scripture came into my mind: Not by works of righteousness, which we have done; but of his mercy hath he saved us. And these words followed: Not of works, lest any, man should boast. Now was I quite brought off from having any dependence upon my own doings, and was at once quite stript of all hopes: For I thought these words came only to convince me, that my righteousness would avail me nothing in point of salvation: For it is not said, according to his mercy hath he saved thee, but us, and, therefore, no encouragement to me. Thus I went on for some time in a distressed, disconsolate manner. 

One day, as I was going about some business, that word fell upon my thoughts: Thou art chosen of God and precious, I was not for taking any notice of them. They ran in my mind very much all day, at last, I began to wonder at the reason of their following me so much. I chosen of God, and precious thought I, that can never be, the words do not belong to me, I dare not take comfort from them. However, I looked into a concordance; but could find none nearer than those in 1 Peter 1:4. This concerned me very much, for now, I thought it was plain, that Satan was endeavouring to deceive me. I was in sad distress, and knew not what to do: Look which way I would, I could see nothing but ruin and destruction before my eyes. Pray I durst not, that word ran so in my mind, the prayer of the wicked is an abomination unto the Lord. 

At length Satan began to come in again with this temptation; that I was but young, and, therefore, need not be thoughtful about eternity; and that if I was elected I should be brought home at last, tho’ I lived ever so carelessly the mean while; but if not, my thoughtfulness would never save me. But it pleased the Lord to give me to see, that this was from the Devil, because it did not lead to Christ, but to carelessness; and that scripture came with some power: Seek ye the Lord while he may be found, call upon him while he is near: Whereupon, I desired, that I might so seek him as to find him, so call, that he might answer, so knock, that he might open unto me: For, I thought there was nothing in the world so desirable. That word was given in for my comfort: Tho’ your sins be like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; tho’ they be red as crimson, they shall be as wool. 

I was then helped to admire at the distinguishing, unparalleled, superabounding love of God. Oh! that he should come over all my sins and rebellions, and also manifest and discover it to me. Then I could cry out, why me, why me, indeed! Why should I, that am viler than the vilest sinner that lives, be thus favoured, thus honoured! ‘Tis cause of wonder and astonishment! But, alas! this abode not long. I soon began to be under fears and questionings, whether ever the Lord had been at work upon my soul, or not, and whether the things I met with, might not be only delusions. And, at length, Satan came in with his temptations and assaults upon me, and tempted me to question the being of a God, and of the truth of the scriptures: Many thoughts I was distressed and perplexed with, which are not fit to be spoken, which brought me at last into such a frame, that I knew not what to think of any persons or things. But one day, as I was standing at the garret window, and looking out into the garden, I began to consider how the trees did grow; sure, thought I, it can be no natural power that produced them: Then those words came to my mind, lift up your eyes on high, and behold who hath created these things; from which I was made to believe, that there is a God: And those words followed; hast thou not known, hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth? Then was I strongly persuaded, that there is an all-seeing, an all-knowing God, and wonder-working God, who is infinite in power. 

But now the thoughts and conceptions which I before had, were like arrows piercing me: For now I concluded, that if there was a God, I could have no hopes of ever finding any favour or mercy from him; for I had found myself out of Hopes, by questioning his being. Nay, I thought, that I had committed the unpardonable sin, and, therefore, I could not be saved. 

In this distress I continued some hours, ‘till it pleased the Lord to come in with these words; Is my arm shortened at all, that I cannot save? Or have I no power to redeem? Which for the present a little supported me, for I was persuaded, that his power is not limited, but that he could fare the worst of sinners. But then I began to doubt of his willingness to save me. 

I was by this trial made more sensible of the wickedness of my heart, and of the natural propensity that is in me to commit evil, than ever before I was. It was a means of discovering to me the sin and corruption that dwells within me. I then saw myself to be nothing but a mass of sin, and heap of uncleanness. I saw myself to be full of ignorance and darkness, which made me question the more, whether there was any thing of a work of grace upon me or no: For I thought if I have grace, why do I not grow; I find myself ignorant, and that is a sign that I have no grace. 

I used often to wish that I had died in my infancy, and then I should not have committed so many, and so heinous sins against my dear Lord; tho’ I was sensible, that if I had died when but one day old, and had not the application of Christ’s righteousness, I had even then been miserable; for I was convinced of original sin before this time, from those words, I was shapen in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me: Tho’ it was a strange doctrine to me at first; but after a strict enquiry, I found by the scripture, the first sin which caused the fall, was pride and unbelief. It was pride in that, man aimed to be as God, knowing good and evil; and unbelief appeared in that he hearkened unto the voice of Satan, and did not obey God: And upon a little search, I found that these sins were very predominant in my nature. By which I found, that I was tainted with original contamination. Those words likewise were often in my thoughts; who can bring a clean thing out of an unclean? Not one. By these, I was convinced of original sin, and was made to see, that from thence all actual sins did flow. 

But to return. After some time, the Lord was pleased to break in with discoveries of love to my soul afresh, with these words, As the Father hath loved me; so have I loved you, continue ye in my love. This was a sweet cordial indeed, to my drooping spirits. And soon after these words were made very sweet to my soul: As the bridegroom rejoiceth over his bride; so shall thy God rejoice over thee. Oh! how did I then admire the distinguishing grace of God, that was thus largely displayed and revealed to vile, sinful, and unworthy me. Then was my heart knit and united to the Lord Jesus; so that I could say, whom have I in heaven, but thee? And there is none in the earth, that I desire besides thee. 

I then counted all earthly things, but as empty vanities, in comparison with that comfort I had in the enjoyment of the presence of my dear Lord. Then could I freely commit myself, my all into his hand, believing him to be my Head, my Husband, my Saviour, my Redeemer, and my Advocate. 

I was for some time wholly taken up in the contemplation of the divine perfections of him, who is fairer than the children of men: And in adoring the love of the divine Persons in the glorious Trinity. I saw that the love of the Father was great, in making choice of such a rebellious creature, as he well knew I should prove. The love of the Son was no less, in accepting of us at his Father’s hand, freely, willingly, and voluntarily undertaking to satisfy divine justice, and to answer all the demands of the law. The love of the Spirit may be seen, in discovering this, so matchless and marvelous love and grace unto us. 

Now, I thought, I could be content to be any thing, or nothing; so that God might be glorified in me. I was fearful of acting, or speaking any thing, that was in the least contrary to the mind of my God. I then hated every thing that looked like lightness, or was an the leastwise sinful, and was as much afraid of sinning, as knowing it was offensive to the holy and pure nature of Deity, as of being damned for it. And desired as much to be holy here, as happy hereafter. 

Then sabbaths were a delight instead of burdens. For as soon as the sabbath was ended, I longed for the return of another. Then were God’s ways, ways of pleasantness, and all his paths, were paths of peace unto me. Those words were pleasant to me: Thy Maker is thy Husband, the Lord of Hosts is his name: And thy Redeemer, the holy one of Israel; the God of the whole earth shall be he called. Many other sweet and precious promises were made very comfortable to my soul, which I need not mention here. 

I was for a considerable time, at it were dandled on the knee of love. I seldom was a day without fresh and repeated discoveries of pardoning love and grace; which so melted my heart, and so raised my affections, that at some times I was in such transports of joy, as cannot be expressed. I was so settled in the belief and persuasion of my instatement in an everlasting inviolable covenant, that I thought with David, my mountain stood so strong, it could never be moved. I was ready to say with Paul; nothing shall separate me from the love of God, nor interpose, nor hinder my enjoyment. I could then go to God in duties, as to my own God and Father, and claim a right to, and propriety in the promises of the gospel. 

At that time, I had an earnest desire after the welfare of those, who had formerly been my companions: I mean the welfare of their immortal souls. O! thought I, did they but know what I feel, and could they but conceive what satisfaction, comfort, and joy, there is in the enjoyment of, nearness to, and communion with a reconciled God, and, did they but see what a beauty, loveliness, and glory there is in him, they would freely forsake all their foolish pleasures, and vain delights for an interest in Christ. I thought I would not have returned back to my former course of sin and vanity, might I thereby gain a thousand worlds. For there is more true peace, and solid comfort, in one moment’s communion with God, than in an hundred years, in sin and folly. Some time after this, the Lord was pleased to withdraw the light of his countenance, and to leave me in the dark: Whereupon, I presently began to question my interest in him, and to fear, that what I felt, was only a delusion from Satan, or else the fancy of a distressed mind, or some notion, that I had got, by giving more attention in hearing the word preached, than I was wont to do. 

About the same time I heard, that one of my companions should say, that it was only pride, that made me forsake them, that I did not think them rich enough to play with me, and so they reflected upon me very much. The parents of this girl were professors, and they spoke as bad of me, as the girl herself could do. This troubled me greatly, for now I thought the Lord was about to discover what I was, and that I certainly was, as they said; tho’ my heart was so deceitful, that I did not discern it before: Or else he would not have suffered his own children to have had such thoughts of me. 

In this distress, I remained some considerable time: One day, I happened to fall into the company of this girl, and one, who was a friend to me being present, she began to tell me what the other had said of me. The girl at first denied it: Upon that, I talked to her pretty sharply, for telling of lies to excuse herself, then she owned, that she had said so, to one, or two, and what then? Its true, said she. I told her, that I thought I might truly, say, it was false. Then those words were given in: If ye were of the world, the world would love its own; but because I have chosen you out of the world, therefore, the world hateth you. But thought I, it is not only the world, but professors likewise, who cast these reflections upon me. Then those words came to my mind: In the world, ye shall have tribulation; but in me, ye shall have peace: Be of good cheer, for I have overcome the world. Then I considered, that it is not said, from the world, or from the persons of the world, but in the world; and inferred from thence, that persons may meet with trouble, and trials, even from the men of their own house. Then was I helped from these promises, to admire grace, that the Lord should so condescend to such a poor unbelieving creature as I. 

Soon after this, I began to examine myself, whether, or no, I could freely, and willingly part with all creature-comforts for the sake of Christ: Or whether, if I was put to my choice, either to have great things in the world, and all the pleasure, that heart could wish, or to have Christ and the cross, which of the two, I should choose? I thought my heart replied, I should rather choose Christ and the cross, than all the riches and pleasures of this world. But I again reflected, that my heart was deceitful, and it might be, if I was put to the trial, and should have riches, honours, and pleasures set before me, I should choose them, rather than Christ with the cross, and so this could be no evidence of my being right. 

Whereupon I was greatly troubled, and desired of the Lord, that if I was his, he would by a more than ordinary power let me know it. Then was I for chalking out a way for God to walk in. Thinking, that if this, and the other thing might be according to my wish, then I could believe. After this desire had passed, I began to be much troubled to think what I was now about. Must I direct the Almighty? Could not I take him at his word, without desiring he should take such a way to raise up my faith. Yet for all this I could not help still having the same desire, till those words were brought to my mind: My ways are not as your ways, nor my thoughts, as your thoughts: For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts, than your thoughts. Soon after this, those words were impressed upon my thoughts: Fear thou not, for I am with thee; be not dismayed, for I am thy God. I will strengthen thee, yea I will help thee, yea I will uphold thee with the right hand of righteousness. It was a good word indeed to my soul, for many days. About this time, my father was preaching from these Words: Return unto thy rest, O my soul, for the Lord hath dealt bountifully with thee. My memory is too bad to give any particular account of what was then delivered. But this I can remember, that I had sweet times under hearing. 

One Sabbath-day in the morning I was very ill, so that I was forced to stay at home. But no sooner was the family gone to the meeting; but I began to reflect upon myself, for letting a little illness detain me from going. If I had a right value for hearing the gospel of Christ, thought I, I should have gone: Or had I any right esteem for the comfort, and refreshment of my soul, I should readily, have gone, that I might have met with it; but now I thought it was plain, that I was nothing but a painted hypocrite. I had at that time such a sight of the darkness of my understanding, the hardness of my heart, and of the perverseness of my will, that I thought there were none like me. For thinks I, such as are indeed Christians, take more delight in the means of grace, and in discoursing of the things of God. They can speak of a new birth, and of faith in Christ, and this I thought myself a stranger to. So, I then judged, there was nothing right in me: But if there is not yet, it is high time there should, thought I; and I am well assured, that if I return back to my former course of sin and folly, I shall perish. If I have any dependence on any thing in myself, that is too short: There is no other way, whereby we can be saved, but in, and thro’ Christ, thro’ his righteousness alone, without any of our own to be joined therewith: Therefore, I will now, as helped, venture my soul upon him, if I perish, I perish. 

Then that word was given in to me with an irresistible power, so that I could not withstand it: I, even I, am he, that blotteth out thy, transgressions, for my own sake, and I will not remember thy sins. Then was I again helped to admire the free, rich, and distinguishing love of God: That he of his good will and pleasure. and for his own sake, not far any worth, or worthiness in me; no, for I deserve not the least of his mercies, should thus freely pardon the most vile of sinners. 

Then I desired, that since grace is thus free, I might never be suffered to do any thing to offend, so kind, so merciful a God: For, thought I, is it so, that grace, love, and mercy, is so abundant, and super-abounding, then am I under the highest obligation in the world, to be found in acts of obedience to all God’s commands, so far, as capable, not for life, but from life: Not expecting to merit salvation; but being chosen of God, redeemed by Christ from the curse of the law, he having answered all the demands thereof, and given a full and plenary satisfaction to divine justice on my account therefore, I ought to endeavour to promote his honour and glory, in all holiness, and godly conversation.

I had at that time a deep sense of the odious nature of sin, that it was of so heinous a nature, that nothing less than the blood of the spotless righteous Lamb of God could satisfy for it. That the Son of God must: take upon him our nature, stand in our room and stead, be made sin for us, who himself knew no sin, that we might be made the righteousness of God in him. O matchless grace, unparalleled love, that ever the Lord of life and glory, should leave his Father’s bosom, to die so shameful, so ignominious a death, even the death of the cross, for poor rebellious creatures, and that he should endure such sufferings, and undergo his Father’s wath and displeasure, to that degree, that he cried out: My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me! And all this for, and on account of poor sinful mankind. The consideration of this, made me abhor sin, and loath myself on account of my transgressions, I desired, that I might never be suffered to sin against God, in heart, lip, nor life. Nay, I thought, that if I was sure to be damned, yet I desired, that whilst I remained here, I might live to the praise and glory of God. 

I had a comfortable time all that week, and the week following. Many sweet, and precious promises were given in, which I cannot now remember: So that I was filled with such transports of joy, as I cannot express, nor could I willingly admit of any discourse, or company, that might interrupt my enjoyments. 

And to the end, that nothing of that might hinder my meditations, I commonly sat in my lodging room, where I enjoyed many pleasant hours, as well as some distressing ones. 

I had now an endeared love for any, that I hoped were the children of God. And, if I heard of any young ones, being under convictions, I soon found my affections strongly engaged to them, who before I had no esteem of, and an earnest desire after their welfare. 

After this, hearing some, in telling their experience, speak of the dreadful temptations they had met with, and also reading Mr. Barry’s account of the dealings of God with him, what sharp conflicts he met with, and how long he was under the spirit of bondage, and upon his receiving the spirit of adoption, what glorious effects ensued; I began to fear again, that I was not in a converted state. For, I thought, I was never loaded with the guilt of sin, as some be: neither was I ever assaulted with such dreadful temptations from Satan, as many are; nor yet have I ever enjoyed such wonderful and glorious revelations of Christ, as some express, therefore, I fear that I am still in the gall of bitterness, and the bond of iniquity. 

My trouble thro’ these fears, increased daily for some time. Whereupon, I acquainted one of my intimate friends therewith: Who directed me to a passage in Mr. Bunyan’s come and welcome to the chief of sinners, which just answered those very objections. The reading whereof little removed my doubts. And also reading Mr. Barry’s postscript, to caution such doubting tempted believers, that might be ready to draw sad conclusions against themselves, from hearing of the wonderful dealings of God with him, in handling him so sharply by the spirit of bondage; as also his bountiful dealing with him, in making his soul the receptacle of such joy and consolation, upon believing. Saith he, Some pass thro’ greater horror, and are brought, as it were, to the gates of hell, and desperation, as I was: Others are dealt more easily, and gently with, being sweetly allured, and as it were insensibly transplanted into Christ, they not well knowing what is done to them. The reading of these things, I say, together with those words, following of me very much: He leadeth thee by the still waters, did give me some hopes, that I was one of those, that the Lord was pleased thus by the gentle drawings of his Spirit to bring to close with Christ. Then those words were very pleasant to me: I taught Ephraim to go, leading them by the hand; but they, knew not, that I healed them. I drew them with the cords of a man, with bands of love. I was to them, as they that take off the yoke on their jaws, and laid meat unto them. Then was I helped to see, that tho’ I had not been so strongly beset with temptations as some are, yet that was not an indication, that the work of grace was not right, in, and upon me; for the Lord can work in what way he pleases. And surely, I have great cause of thankfulness, on this very account, that I was not left to the buffetings of Satan, nor to be so long under that sad horror and bondage of conscience, as some be, and tho’ I had not such great revelations of Christ, nor such ravishing joy and comfort as some have; yet I had such views of him, as a suitable, and sufficient Saviour, that I would not part with my hopes of an interest in him, for the world: And also had received such joy and comfort from him, as did far surpass all the comfort, that can flow from the belt, and greater enjoyments of this world’s things: Yea, for one moment’s communion with God, is far preferable to all the riches, honours, and pleasures of this world; for it yields more satisfaction, and peace, than can be met with in the highest station of worldly grandeur. 

Thus was I helped to meditate on these things, and to stand and admire, that I should be so highly favoured, as to have any discovery of pardoning grace, any manifestation of redeeming love. It had been a great mercy, if the Lord had fixed his love upon me, and had not made it known to me: But O it is matchless and unparalleled grace indeed, that he should send his Spirit to reveal this his altogether unmerited, and inconceivable love to my soul! I can never enough admire this great, this inexpressible love…Then was the language of my heart, O that I might never commit one sin more! How can I bear to think of offending so kind, so loving a God. What sin against such love and mercy, that hath been discovered to sinful unworthy me? How can I bear it wretch that I am, are there yet the remainders of sin in me; I hate it, I loath it. O! that I might be wholly and entirely freed therefrom. This, I say, was the constant language of my heart for some time. 

Unwilling was I, as I have before said, to leave my lodging room, so much as to eat a little victuals, for fear of having my thoughts diverted from things that are heavenly and divine. 

And, when I was in company, I was restless till I got by myself again. One time I well remember, having been in company, when I got to my chamber again, I was thinking over something that passed, till on a sudden, those words came with such power: My Son, give me thy heart; I answered, Lord, do thou take it, thou alone art worthy — here also some injury hath happened to her lines. 

I admired, that the eternally glorious God should stoop so low, as to desire a place, in the hearts of such poor, nothing-creatures, as we are, who is glorified and adored above, by the blessed Angel, and hath no need of the adoration, and services of such poor dust and ashes as we are. O wonderful and matchless grace! 

I had that afternoon, such views of the glories of heaven, of the bliss and happiness, that the Angels, and glorified saints are possessed of, that made me even long to be dissolved, to be with Christ, which is far better. 

Some little time after this, one Sabbath-day, as I was going to the meeting, this thought darted into my mind, that I was all this while, but a deceiving myself, and building my hopes on a sandy foundation, and not on Christ, who is the only way of salvation. This thought set me on a tremble, and sad distress was I in, till those words came in: I will deliver thee from going down to the pit, for I have found a ransom, which a little supported me, tho’ I could not tell whether there was a scripture, or not; but when I came home, I looked into a concordance, and found it. In the afternoon, when I was in the meeting, my fear seized me again that all I had met with, was only a delusion, that Satan was endeavouring to deceive me, and so took this method, which he thought was the likeliest to keep me quiet, persuading me, that I was in a safe state; when alas! it was no such thing. I thought he could transform himself into an angel of light, and can bring scriptures, to those that he brought to trust in, and depend on something short of Christ. This I fully thought was my case, for about half an hour; then those words were brought to my mind: I am not a man, that I should lie, nor the son of man, that I should repent.