The Life And Testimony Of Phebe Ferris

Gospel Standard 1863:

Phebe, Wife Of Mr. William Ferris, Baptist Minister, Clack, Wiltshire. 

The subject of this notice was made to feel her state as a sinner before God when about 18 years of age. Her convictions were so severe that she feared to go to bed, and her father used to sit up with her, trying to console her by reading to her the word of God, and telling her that the Lord saved sinners.

She subsequently became a close searcher into the truths of the gospel, and saw clearly the blessed doctrines of grace, in due time receiving drops and sips from the ocean of eternal love sufficient to constrain her heart to assemble with the people of God at all opportunities, which she esteemed a great privilege up to the time of her death. The ordinance of believers’ baptism was laid upon her mind; but fear and timidity kept her from attending to it while exercised about it; but she told the Lord that she would run in the way of his commandments when he had enlarged her here.

Soon after this, the Lord was pleased in love and faithfulness to afflict her, so that she had great soul distress, so great that she said, “I shall be damned!” But God saves wretched sinners in such a way as to make them know that they are saved by grace; for he now most sweetly delivered her soul, shone upon her, and made her face to shine. Indeed, to use her own language, “The promises came in showers.” She experienced a full deliverance, when about 25 years of age, under a sermon by Mr. Kilson, from Deut. 33:27: “The eternal God is thy refuge.” The blessed Remembrancer reminded her of her vow to the Lord, as above, and the Lord’s people, too, who heard her speak of it at the time, also reminded her. She accordingly went forth to declare to the world her love for Jesus.

After this, she was again afflicted, and prevented attending the means of God’s house; but the Lord sweetly indulged her at home, especially in reading the “Gospel Standard” and Mr. Philpot’s sermons, one especially, entitled “Winter afore Harvest.” She often spoke of it, it was so blessed to her soul. Again the Lord afflicted her with a disease that never left her till death put an end to her sufferings. A cancer formed in her breast, which, with other diseases, made her sufferings very great. Doctors were applied to and means used for the removal of it, but everything failed. A few extracts from her letters may be of service to some of the Lord’s dear family. In May, 1857, she writes thus:

“I find continually my need of him who, I trust, has upheld me till now. I feel I have no helper hut God. There is no one can help me out of the trials which befal me. I have earnest groanings and pantings after him that is able to hold me up in every affliction that awaits me. O that I could trust him more and more, and cast my every care upon him; but, alas! I feel so weak I am obliged to beg and struggle with God to take my burden, myself, and all, and hush me into a calm, which is such a desirable frame to be in.”

June, 1858, she writes:

“I feel very low in mind and weak in body. I should he pleased, were it the Lord’s will, to enjoy better health, but especially to be feeding on the bread of life, which is so strengthening to the weary soul. I hope I have found it in times past, and I have a ‘Who can tell?’ springing up that I shall again. Therefore may I wait the Lord’s pleasure. ‘Though he tarry, wait,’ is the admonition. One ray of light is worth waiting a whole lifetime for, because its worth is unspeakable, and it is given freely to the poor and needy. I feel just that poor and needy person, very poor, and altogether destitute of what I wish to have. I would be holy as God is holy, and adorn the doctrine of the meek and lowly Jesus in all I say and do. I would also speak well of his name, because he intercedes for unworthy me, at least I hope so, or he would not so many times have spoken peace to my troubled breast; and his peace is not the peace of this world. I must say that God is worth trusting, having found him a prayer-hearing and answering God in the greatest trials. I have always found him present in trouble, and I trust he will yet be gracious and merciful.”

Dec. 15th:

“I find it is not in my power to do anything. Unless the Lord makes it known, I cannot tell of his goodness and tender mercies towards me. I certainly wish to extol him for giving me strength of body and mind more than I expected. I still feel I am a poor, destitute, helpless creature; but I have a hope that I have strength end every needful blessing treasured up in Jesus, who has at times enabled me to rejoice in him as my salvation, and given me a firm persuasion that I shall one clay be with him. Then I shall not miss husband or children, but be swallowed up in the love of him who has redeemed me and clothed me with his righteousness, that I should not be found wanting in that day when he will number up his jewels. I must confess I do not feel worthy of the honour the Lord confers upon his people, and yet nothing short of the knowledge of it applied to my soul will give me real satisfaction.”

Nov. 1st, 1860, (to her husband):

“I hope you will be helped on Sunday, and all through your engagements. We feel at times to want more than help. It is like one that not only needs leading and guiding, but we are so weak and helpless that, unless the Lord does all for us, we cannot lift ourselves up in the least degree. I suppose you feel fettered, as Sunday is so near. Perhaps when it comes it will be sweet and pleasant to speak of the mercies of the Lord and his loving-kindness to his people. May you feel joyful in him, and be enabled to extol his great name, so that both speaker and hearers may rejoice together.”

Oct. 15th, 1861:

“O that I could more and more extol his great name, that has done such great things for us! He is continually making us see that his name is faithful, that his arm is not shortened that he cannot save, nor his ear heavy that he cannot hear; for he has heard and answered, and we have proved it; therefore let us tell it to others, for their encouragement and the honour of his name; for is he not a God worthy of praises and adoration from every member of his living family, let them be ever so poor and unworthy in their own feelings? It is my daily grief that I so much dishonour him by doubting his love and mercy to me, the least of the least. I often think there cannot be one so little as myself, but just now I cannot think I am not one that shall reign with him in glory above, when this mortal shall have put on immortality. I feel it a solemn thought to think I must one day give up the ghost.”

Oct. 18th, 1861:

“By close examination we find the root of the matter is implanted, which makes all right; and by the implantation of grace we find out our own wrongs, such as the natural man cannot conceive, neither can he know them, unless enlightened by the Spirit. Although we are often cutting ourselves off, and fearing we are not taught aright, we cannot say we are strangers to the things of the Lord; but we lack power to exalt the Lord in us. We can do so in others, and point out their feelings by our own, and yet fear we are not right. O how frail we are, and full of confusion!…I wish to see the Lord’s hand in everything, and I wish to give him the whole glory for both his temporal and spiritual mercies; but I so often feel I dare not claim his kind and watchful care through my own deathly feelings.”

April 18th, 1862:

“I am so depressed I can hardly bear my feelings. It seems as though I should never know another happy hour. I cannot feel at home here. Do beg of the Lord to give me resignation to this trying dispensation, as it is so to me. I cannot feel reconciled to it. If it were the Lord’s will, he could make me comfortable in so small a place; but it seems to be a rod for me, and I fear the Lord will leave me to it, so that I shall evermore be miserable until my end. I cannot help myself out of it any more than I can create health of body. My breast is much as it has been.”

This dark cloud passed away; and on Sept. 19th, 1862, being the last letter she ever wrote, she says:

“The Lord’s ways are not our ways. I am rather better in some respects, but to-day my breast is more painful; likewise my back is very bad; but the Lord has been good in giving me pretty comfortable nights lately, not over- burdened with pain. I hope, if it be his will, he will continue the favour, though I so fear it may come on worse. I do not feel cast down, as has been the case. I hope the Lord has showed me that, although my path is a very trying one, it is a right one, and will end in everlasting life. That “everlasting life” was once very sweet to me, and I hope it holds good now to me, a poor creature, while on earth. I mostly have little else but doubts and fears concerning my title to that happy place. Still, when by faith I can realise my inheritance, it is very great; but what must it be to be in the enjoyment of it? We cannot know while we have this clog of mortality; therefore we must die to know what is prepared for them that love him. About five months ago, I thought I should never know another happy hour; but that cloud has passed away, and many more clouds, and the time is approaching when there will be no more clouds to darken my mind, when all will he joy and peace. There will be no night there. O for more and continual faith to trust him, till it shall be his pleasure to call me home. I must now leave off, as the position I am in (writing in bed) gives me much pain.”

She sank often in doubts and fears, but the Lord always proved to be her strength and present help in trouble, blessing her with many sweet tokens of his love, by applying his word to her heart. Her afflictions of body and family trials often made her exclaim, “O what should I do, had I not a God to go to in these trying dispensations!”

She was confined to her bed the last nine months of her life, at which time the Lord dealt very graciously with her. That which she feared all her days, namely, the hour of death, was now taken away, so that she could look forward to it without dismay. Her other breast now became affected, and her pain and suffering were intense. The pain from both breasts, mingled with pains from other diseases, made it almost more than she could bear, so that she often greatly feared she should be left to rebel against God; but joys, blessings, and manifestations of Christ to her soul often lifted her above the pains, and kept under the rebellious feelings. As her sufferings became greater and greater, so also did her patience become greater and greater; so that it was a pleasure to attend on her. She was now kept continually above doubts and fears, often requesting her attendants to read to her some hymn; but she would not have the gloomy ones read, for she said, “I am above them now;” and the Lord kept bringing some precious word with comfort and consolation to her heart, mercifully sustaining her until her happy soul left her frail, weakened body, to he for ever with her God, April 26th, 1863, aged 55.

“The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble, and he knoweth them that trust in him.” Poor, doubting child of grace, ” at evening time it shall be light.”

J. D.